There's not much you can say about bacon that hasn't already been said a million times over. Quite simply, bacon is the epitome of manliness. It's the sizzling, grease-saturated candy of meats. It's a bitch slap to the senses.
But something this great can't be relegated to a breakfast food alone. Bacon is expanding to places we never thought it could go.
Check out these eight bacon flavored products that can't be ignored. As hunters, we must represent our meat-eating ancestry by embracing the bacon movement. Don't fight it.
List your ideas for other bacon products in the comments.
No. 8: Bacon Lube
How do you properly describe the pioneering awesomeness of this particular product? Meat and Sex. Man and woman. It's a symphony of manliness that would make Chuck Norris feel like a pussy.
According to the guys at J&D's Food, Bacon Lube is water-based, proudly Made in America and is the gold standard of meat flavored massage oils.
"What started as an April Fool's joke is now a REAL product thanks to the thousands of people that emailed, harassed and sent us highly explicit explanations of what they would do with this (thanks for that)," write the geniuses behind this product.
No. 2: Bacon Salt
This is the bottled version of bacon's essence
. Sprinkle a little on your next meal, and be ready to experience a zen-like feeling that we've heard described as "becoming one with the bacon."
It comes in a variety of flavors and styles and goes great on veggies, eggs, pasta and bacon.
No. 4: Bacon Pop
The ingredients of this amazing product
: popcorn, palm oil, salt, natural and artificial bacon and butter flavors.
Anything that has both man-made and real bacon has our vote and, no, it's not overkill.
No. 3: Bacon Envelopes
The innovators behind this product
have this to say: "Technology has given us a lot lately. The car. TV. X-rays. The refrigerator. The Internet. Heck, we even cured polio. But what have our envelopes tasted like for the last 4,000 years? Armpit, that's what."
Yea, what's up now post office?!?
No. 1: Baconnaise
Like Bacon Gravy, this culinary gem
is a combination of two great things. It's the last stop in your assimilation into a bacon-only diet.
This is the bacon holy grail and, luckily, it's spreadable.
No. 7: Bacon Lip Balm
This little stocking stuffer
gives your grill a smokey flavor (pun intended) that will capture the imagination of anyone who dares to lock lips with you.
Just another bullet point for your E-Harmony resume.
No. 6: Bacon Air
So, you're out for shape from eating all that bacon. It's understandable.
In the off chance that you need to get off the couch and run for an extended period of time, Bacon Air will help you recover in the salty bosom of bacon's embrace.
No. 5: Bacon Gravy
This product combines two things every red-blooded man loves: bacon and gravy
What will they think of next? Here's hoping that we can create an edible combination of beer and swimsuit models.